Many parents ask how to get their children motivated. I suppose a more accurate question might be: how do we get them motivated to do what needs to be done? For example, studying at school, doing homework, and plenty of other basic things like tidying up after themselves or even just brushing their teeth.

I would start by reflecting on when I myself feel motivated to do the necessary things. The first thing that comes to mind is when I actually enjoy doing them. That is great, of course, but as I think further about my life, I realize there are many things I don’t always enjoy, yet I cannot do without them. We all know these things. We all have to go to work (or earn money somehow), and then there is cooking, shopping, washing dishes, cleaning, laundry, gardening and so on.

Thinking about it more, I see that as an adult, it is clear to me that on one else is going to do it for me, so I just go and do what is necessary. However, the situation with our little ones is often different. I see the problem in the fact that when they don’t do what is needed, we – the parents – very often do it for them. And quite likely, nothing much happens to them as a result, except that we might yell at them a while, stop talking to them for a bit, or just grumble.

Nonetheless, we usually don’t achieve much this way and fail to get the results we want. You see, our children are generally quite clever; they soon figure out that they just need to wait it out – let us yell, grumble, or stay silent for a while – because we will eventually wear ourselves out and everything will be fine again. And so it goes, round and round… while only our frustration continues to grow.

As I follow this train of thought and think about what has truly worked with my own children, I’ve reached a conclusion: it was the moments when I created conditions where they simply needed to do the things they weren’t naturally motivated to do. In the sense that the consequences they would have to deal with if they didn’t do something were even less appealing to them than just doing what was required.

So, how do you go about it? Every parent must find that out for themselves. Every parent and child is different, every family functions differently, and different things work for different people.

I wish you the best of luck in finding your own way, and next time, we can look at another interesting topis regarding child-rearing together! :-)